The "We'll Just Write It Ourselves" Separation Agreement (and Why It Can Cost You Later)
Every few weeks, I meet someone who says something like this:
"We've agreed on everything. We don't need lawyers. We're just going to write our own separation agreement."
And honestly? I understand why. When you're separating, you're already dealing with enough. Emotions are high, money is tight, and the last thing you want is another legal bill. If the two of you are getting along, writing an agreement together feels like the sensible thing to do. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it creates problems that don't show up until years later.
I'm Nidhi Chauhan, and before becoming a lawyer in British Columbia, I immigrated to Canada from India to build a new life. Starting over taught me something that I carry into my practice every day: people don't come to a family lawyer because they're having the best year of their lives. They're usually scared. They're overwhelmed. They're trying to protect their children while figuring out what their future looks like.
A good separation agreement can save you thousands of dollars, months (or years) of litigation, and an incredible amount of stress. It should deal with questions like:
How will family property and debt be divided?
What happens to the family home?
Will either spouse pay spousal support, and if so, for how long?
How will child support and special expenses be handled?
What are the parenting arrangements?
What happens if circumstances change in the future?
These aren't just boxes to tick. They're the questions that often become expensive court battles if they aren't answered properly.
The problem with many DIY agreements isn't that they're badly written. It's that they leave out the things people don't think about.
What happens if someone loses their job?
What if the house doesn't sell?
What if one parent wants to relocate?
What if a child's needs change?
A lawyer isn't just drafting words on paper. A good lawyer is trying to anticipate tomorrow's disagreement while everyone is still getting along today.
Another misconception I hear is:
"If we both signed it, that's the end of it."
Unfortunately, it isn't always that simple. In British Columbia, courts can set aside parts of a separation agreement in certain circumstances. For example, property agreements may be reconsidered under section 93 of the Family Law Act, and spousal support agreements under section 164, if there was significant unfairness. That might include situations where one person failed to disclose important financial information, took advantage of the other's vulnerability, or where someone didn't fully understand what they were signing. This is why I encourage every client to exchange complete financial disclosure before signing anything. If you don't know what exists, you can't fairly agree on how to divide it.
Independent legal advice is equally important. People sometimes worry that involving lawyers means they'll end up fighting. In my experience, the opposite is often true. When both people understand their rights and know they've had the opportunity to receive legal advice, agreements tend to last. There are fewer surprises, fewer misunderstandings, and less chance that someone will later argue they didn't know what they were signing.
One of my favourite parts of practising family law is helping people avoid court altogether. Court has its place, and sometimes it's necessary. But when families can resolve matters respectfully through a thoughtful agreement, everyone usually benefits—especially children. I genuinely believe that good family law isn't about "winning." It's about helping people move forward with confidence and dignity.
If you're considering drafting your own separation agreement, I encourage you to at least have it reviewed before signing it. A short meeting with a lawyer today can prevent years of uncertainty and problems later.